Defame others: These consequences and how to stop.

                                           

 

"I am determined not to tell other people's mistakes." In the Buddhist tradition, this is one of bodhisattva vows. For the monk ordination, a similar principle is mentioned in the vow is not to say defamation.

This is also mentioned in the Buddha's advice for everyone to avoid unwholesome 10, which is unwholesome Thursday: say the words cause discord, division.

Many people have the habit of talking prefer other people's mistakes. And sometimes they do not realize that habit and only identified after it has finished speaking. Then the engine behind the mistakes of others say, behind the trend to lower others want to be? One of my masters, Ngawang Dhargye, once said: "You sit together and talk about the faults of others, for the wrongdoing of the person. Then you continue to discuss the violations and negative qualities of other people, because you are self-admitted to each other that you are the best person in the world ". When I look deep inside in, I noticed that Ngawang Dhargye was right. Been simmering by feelings of insecurity, I was wrong to think that if someone else wrong, bad, full of defects, in comparison, I have to be true, good and capable. Tactical humiliate others to build their self-esteem is very difficult in this way results.

When we are angry at others we often say they are bad. In this case we can say the fault of others for a few different reasons. Sometimes we say bad people to pull people on their side. We think that if we tell people about the debate between us with his A and convince people that he is a false and self-righteousness. Thus, the people will stand on our side. Because the thought: "If people think I'm right, it probably is his right." The thought that he was a true such a poor job when we do not take the time to honestly assess for the job and their motives. There are bad when we tell others because they are jealous. We want to be respected and appreciated as such other person. From deep down, we think: "If people see the bad qualities of the person you think is better, then instead of respecting yourself and help them, they will praise and support her." Guise that we used to win the respect and appreciation of others in this way is very difficult to be effective.

Defame others bring consequences?

First of all , we will be known as a person usually caused discord. People will not want to talk to us because they are afraid we will talk with other people, and inclusion of comments from me cause them to be considered not good. By personal experience, I found that someone or defame others with me, surely they will slander me with someone else. In other words, I do not trust people who often criticize others. Monday , we face our people say bad when they found out what we had to say, and more troublesome is when they hear what we were saying bad things about them, which was magnified many times. He may talk with others about their faults to retaliate. Tuesday , some people may be excited to hear about other people's fault. For example, if one person in the office or the factory gossip others, people in the workplace can be angry and attacked people were gossiping. This can be aroused the gossip others at work and causing sectarian. This is damaging to a harmonious working environment. Fourth, nor ourselves have always happy when I uncovered errors of others. When we focus on the negative, or are wrong, our minds are not happy. The idea that people are bad, the other is not good, ... often not conducive to our spirit. Thursday , while others say bad news is that we have caused the agent to let others speak my bad. This may appear in this life if we want to humiliate his critics, or may occur in the future when you have been accused others pointlessly or is being slandered. When we hear the words are vulgar, we should remember that it is the result of our own actions, we have created human, this time to receive results. We have caused the negative in the universe and in my mind, now it's back with us. No reason to be angry or blaming others when we are already creating significant cause of his troubles.

However, there are some cases it seems that the fault of someone else said but it was necessary, so to say. Although these cases are very similar to the criticism of others, but in reality, they are not the same. The difference here is what? It is our motive. Speaking of unusual error is malicious in and is usually motivated by selfish motives. My ego wants to get something from the slander others, want to be good by demeaning others. In contrast, the legitimate debate about the faults of others often stem from a concern to help and love interest, we want to clarify the situation, to prevent harm, or want help. For instance, when we have to write letters of recommendation for someone who was not very good, we have to be honest, to mention the advantages and disadvantages of him for future employers or their landlord can decide whether he or she can do what they want or not. Similarly, we can be upfront about the habits of someone to warn the risk of trouble occurred. In both cases, our motive is not to criticize others, nor to embellish what he does not have. We just want to offer a word expressing no prejudice about what we saw only.

Sometimes I suspect that our recognition of the negative of someone can be restricted, being prejudice, so I told a friend that the friend did not know anything about the other person, but you can help us to see other aspects. This gives us the ideas, views constructive, positive and help us know how to behave with other people. My friend can only show us their nodes - the protest and the delicate matter - what we're exaggerating about the weaknesses of others, so that we can adjusted accordingly.
Sometimes we are not clear about what other people do so by a friend - a friend of his and he - for further advice on the situation there, and from that assessment, behavior with them in a reasonable manner. Or are we in contact with a person they suspect they have a problem, so I called in consultants to know how to deal with them. In both cases, we have to tell people you are an expert or heard about the problem, not the good of others, but his motives are and want to help them solve the problems.
In On another occasion, one of his acquaintances may not know is that they are acts of harm others or behaving in a way humiliate others. To protect him from disaster due to a lack of insight of their own cause, we can tell them exactly what they do. Here we say not to voice criticism or scrutiny attitude that comes with love, to point out mistakes or wrongdoings that person then he can overcome.

We often have a habit of saying the fault of others. To abandon this habit, we must start from the adjustment of the assessment practices of others. Rather than evaluate, criticize others, let us heed the good qualities and their kindness. We need to train your mind, just look for the good, positive things of others. Train like that will make the difference between happiness and open and loving with my sadness, unapproachable and rigorous.

We should strive to cultivate the habit of paying attention to the good, lovable, valuable in others. If we notice these things, we will not pay attention to their mistakes. Happy attitude and words of tolerance comes from this will improve the surroundings and will grow happiness, contentment and love in me. Therefore, the quality of our lives depends on whether we find fault with his experience and see what good is inside it.

When we see the faults of others as we miss the opportunity to love. That also means that we can not afford to feed themselves in a reasonable manner with the understanding sincere when we brought her to the attention of the toxin. When we have a habit of peering errors of others, we also tend to only see the flaws, mistakes yourself. This can lead us to reduce the value of his entire life. Tragically, if we ignore the valuable and opportunity in your life, do not see the possibility of Buddha in myself. Therefore, we must accept ourselves as what we are in now, while we strive to become better people in the future. This does not mean that we ignore our mistakes, but we are not too pejorative about them. We are glad that your people are doing, confident in their abilities and confidence about the true value that we have to build up to now.
Everybody wants to be loved - want to be the spotlight and recognize the positive aspects of themselves, want attention and respect. Most of us do not want to be judged, criticized and rejected. To cultivate the habit of seeing the good of themselves and of others that could bring her happiness and makes us feel and extend love. Abandoning the habit of seeing mistakes will reduce the suffering for oneself and others. This problem should be seen as central to the spiritual itinerary of us. Because of this reason that the Dalai Lama has said: "My religion is kindness." We can still see what your incomplete and of others, but we gentler heart, accept and more generous.

Opposition to defame others are saying with understanding and love. Those who are on the spiritual route and those who want to live in harmony with others, the spokesman for the understanding and love is very important. When we look at the good qualities of others, we feel happy. The recognition of the good qualities of others will make your heart feel happy, and create a harmonious atmosphere, giving people useful feedback.

Praise others is something that we need to practice during my practice. If we think of the talent, the good qualities of others, we feel happier and others too. We will create good relationships with others, and our families, work environments and situations of our lives will blend better. Sowing the seeds of aggressive behavior was in his mind, we will create an affinity for harmonious relationships and for the achievement of the purposes of spiritual as well as the purpose of life usually.END=VIETNAMESE TRANSLATE ENGLISH BY=THICH CHAN TANH.THE MIND OF ENLIGHTMENT.WORLD VIETNAMESE BUDDHIST ORDER=VIETNAMESE BUDDHIST NUN=GOLDEN LOTUS MONASTERY=THE EIGHTFOLD PATH.AUSTRALIA,SYDNEY.30/3/2015.